To be Seen
Only lately have I become more comfortable with being “seen”, as it were, by others, and myself. Odd, I know, given my four plus decades on earth. This comfort with scrutiny and self awareness, or “light”, is one John calls us to. His gospel tells us that evil doers “hate the light” (3:20) and won’t come into it, because they don’t want their sinful deeds revealed. They “love” the comfort of their “darkness” and sin.
I take John’s metaphorical “light” to mean being seen by God, and to see ourselves as God does. Something that takes place in self-awareness and reflection. What’s tricky though, is that we often mistake God’s view for our own, and if that view is colored by a critical inner voice (shoulds, shame, and guilt), we are trapped in the dark, all the while thinking we are in the light.
And goodness, it’s easy to stay in the dark. It’s comfortable and familiar. Numbing even. If we think the light is a painful awareness of our persistent faults, why would we want to step into it?
But while we might blink a little painfully in adjusting to God’s promised light, that discomfort is temporary—or should be. God promises us love, life, and forgiveness, and release from sin, shame, and guilt.
This grace can be hard to accept, especially as the rain of “shoulds” falls around us, from ourselves and others: we should pray more, be more loving, do more charitable works, give more—the weight of expectations can feel heavy. Overwhelming even. Defeating.
But we don’t have to earn God’s grace. How easy it is to think we do.
So remember God’s promise: believe in the son of God, who was sent not to judge, but to save, even—and especially—from the darkness we inflict upon ourselves.
God, may we trust in your mercy every day and let it work in us, to absolve us of shame and guilt, that we might fully respond to your call to follow you into the light and seek the life you promise us. Amen.
Erin Tarbuck